Trust
Many couples regard trust as being whether they trust their partner not to have an affair, not to hurt them, or not to leave. But trust builds at much smaller levels. Dr John Gottman describes how trust can be built by moving towards your partner, rather than turning away. This can manifest itself in small moments where the trust can increase or be eroded. It might be when your partner sits next to you and sighs, and because you are watching the end of an enjoyable TV program, you chose to ignore it rather than inquire. This is a turn away, a chance of making an emotional connection missed, and it sends a signal that you’re not interested in your partner in that moment. It means at for them in those brief seconds, they don’t feel trusting that you have their back and nothing comes between them and you.
Although this is a small moment, and often missed by the couple, a stream of these small moments will erode the trust. The key to build trust at these small levels is to always notice and acknowledge your partner so they constantly feel you are turning towards them, and this makes them feel secure and wanted. 5:1 is a good ratio to work with. For every one time you make a break of contact in a negative way, you work hard at making 5 positive interactions with your partner, and in doing so increase the feeling between you that this relationship if the most important thing in the world.