A I
We all know the term Artificial Intelligence, but what about Artificial Inquiry and Authentic Inquiry?
When we’re listening to our partner speak, we have a choice of what inquiry (or enquiry) we use. If it’s artificial, we’re not doing it because we are truly interested in the person speaking and what they have to say, but more performing to get our needs met. How many people have falsely shown interest and compassion to their partner, but only to get an outcome they want. To avoid a conflict, to get away and watch the football, to keep them happy so they buy you that birthday present you want, or just to make the conversation as short as possible. You may believe you are really listening and want to listen, but are you really? Is one part of your mind thinking of other things?
Authentic inquiry is when you truly want to listen and understand, and in that moment, you have suspended all your needs and wants so you can tune into the person speaking, and in this way, learn about them and their inner thoughts and world. This becomes a form of Authentic and true listening.
Being listened to fully is a very powerful way to make connections.
The author, M. Scott Peck, describes this well in his book, The Road Less Travelled
“ True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of love. An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary given up or setting aside one's own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so to experience as far as possible the speaker's world from the inside, stepping inside he's or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension and an enlargement of oneself, and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves bracketing, a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will feel less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up to the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens the speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance of love is again begun. The energy required for this discipline of bracketing and the focusing off total attention is so great that it can be accomplished only by love, by the will to extend oneself for mutual growth. Most of the time we lack the energy. Even though we may feel in our business dealings of social relationships that we are listening very hard, what we are usually doing is listening selectively with a preset agenda in mind, wondering as we listen how we can achieve certain desired results and get the conversation over with as quickly as possible or redirected in ways more satisfactory to us.”