When two people meet and then develop a relationship, they may not fully realise how their family history is going to play a big part in how their relationship develops. Sometimes we can be lucky, and the person we adore comes from a similar background to us, and for both people, their parents had similar relationships and values. But what happens when this is not the case?
It can cause problems later in the relationship when the early euphoric feelings settle, and the difference is noticed and starts to cause friction. One person feels that money and bank accounts should be jointly held by both, the other person is aggressively independent around ‘their’ finances. In another couple, one feels there should be very fixed roles around housework, the garden and the cooking. Another feels a more flexible shared role is better. For another couple, one has fixed ideas on parenting, the other has opposite views.
When couples come to us at The Relationship Centre, they present these problems as being their partners problem. They express that their partner just isn’t doing it right, and it’s them that needs to change! We help explore how for the pair of them, their role models in how to do a relationship was different, and when going into a their relationship, they have brought their parents ideas on how it should work.
Once they can start to explore this, and understand how the dynamics have been playing out, they have more chance of seeing how best to form their relationship, rather than copy their parents model, and hopefully they find a way that works for both of them.
So what parts of your legacy is acting out in your relationship?