Love is not a word we often hear in our work with couples.
We hear words of anger, betrayal, frustration, disappointment and contempt, but rarely Love. This is understandable, as the couples we see are struggling and sometimes the feeling of Love is hard to find. But we do believe in Love, Humans are made to connect in this way, and to experience Love is so important to feel grounded and connected in life.
But what is Love? It’s not some magical feeling that should just happen that’s for sure. It can feel like that in the early limerence stage of a relationship, but after this, Love is a doing word, you have to work hard at helping you partner feel Loved and in turn, being the person who can be Loved, and therefore being able to feel Love. It’s certainly not the Hollywood image so often portrayed.
It’s difficult to make a statement of what is Love, but this from Brene Brown does a good job of trying to put it in words:
“We cultivate Love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection.
Love is not something we give or get: it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can be cultivated between two people only when it exists within each one of them - we can Love others only as much as we Love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which Love grows. Love can survive these injuries only if they’re acknowledged, healed and rare.”